Boys boys boys

At four years' of age Megan has discovered boys.

A few weeks ago she told us about Michael, a boy in senior kindergarten (Megan is in junior kindergarten) who has "the most beautiful face ever!" As she told us she was grinning from ear to ear, dimples for miles. She explained that she sat next to him all day, until he asked her to stop. The following week she brought some artwork home from school and she had written "Michael" across the top. Just this week we learned Michael lives on our street!

Of course, things aren't quite that simple. Yesterday I found Megan digging through her schoolbag. She was concerned about something.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I lost Mark's phone number," she replied. "He put it in my bag so Michael wouldn't see."

Later she told me that kissing is not allowed in school, but that Zachary tries to kiss her "on the lips!". She assures me that she doesn't kiss him back.

Last night we were watching a movie. In one scene there was a group of young boys walking down the street. Megan exclaimed, "Boys! They're my favorite!"

Is this where I start "joking" about shotguns...?

Star Wars Epiphany

OCTOBER 16, 2010

Megan is watching Star Wars Episode IV. 

At the scene were Obiwan tells Luke that Vader killed his father, Megan exclaims (in her best valley girl tone): "Omigod! Darth Vader is Luke's father, for real life!! "

Brotherly love

Mommy: Megan I want you to be a good girl today. Listen to everything Teta says and be nice to your brother.

Megan: Ok momma, I'll be good. I won't push Reznor or hit him in the face or pull him by his sweater or take his toys or pinch him...

Food TV

Heard recently from the mouth of Megan...

- While watching Food TV with mom, Megan says, "Mommy, this show is making me hungry."

Happy Birthday Daddy!

Relative deprivation

Megan was very bad so Mommy said she couldn't go to the movies with Khalto Julie. Megan was very upset and went to bed crying.

Megan: I want to go to the movies... Daddy, this is the baddest day ever!!

Within 5 minutes she had forgotten all about it. We were reading a princess book and one of the lines mentioned how lucky Belle was.

Megan: I'm luckier than her.

Daddy: Why?

Megan: Because I get lots of candy.

Daddy: Is that what's really important?

Megan: Yes.

Oh brother...

Megan has told Mommy that she doesn't like sharing with Reznor.

Mommy: Megan, you have to learn how to share with her brother.

Megan: I know how to share---but I don't want to. I don't want a little brother. I want him to go away.

Mommy: but Megan, Reznor has to stay with his family, with people who love him.

Megan: Reznor has family in Nova Scotia. I can throw him up in the air and he can jump on an airplane and fly to Nova Scotia.

Money-back Guarantee

A few days ago Cido gave Megan and Reznor $10.00 each for their piggy banks. Last night Megan tossed a dish into the sink and it broke. Cido told her she'd have to pay for it.

Megan: how much, Cido?

Cido: ten dollars from your piggy bank.

Megan: so... you want your money back?

Piggy bank

It's Lori's birthday today. She picked out a nice watch and sent me an email: "thank you, you're very generous." Great. That's what I get for not listening better for "clues."

After the celebrations were over she showed Megan the watch, saying it was from Daddy, Reznor, and Megan. Megan looked sad and shocked. "But... I didn't buy it for you," she said, realizing that she hadn't been involved in the purchase. To make her feel better Mommy replied, "We took money out of your piggy bank to pay for it."

Megan seemed to be relieved. "And I'll put more money in my piggy bank," she said.

Mommy asked, "where will you get more money?"

Megan replied, "When I see money I'll just take it and put it in my piggy bank."

You say pastachio...

A story recounted by Megan's daycare teacher:

At daycare yesterday Megan glued an ice cream cone out of construction paper. For the main "flavour" she chose green construction paper. Her teacher asked her the name of the flavour.

Megan replied, "it's mustachio." Her teacher asked her again, for clarification.

Megan replied, hands on hips, "you know, it's mustachio!"

Her teacher says that moment is officially the highlight of her career.

bowties

This weekend Megan told us that she doesn't want to be a girl anymore. She doesn't want her belly to break open when her baby is born. She wants to be a boy and wear pants and a bowtie.

[UPDATE] It's been two months and she still brings this up from time to time, how she wants to be a boy. Another reason is that boys don't need to brush their hair after they shower and in the morning. Megan hates getting her hair brushed.

bad guys

This morning Megan was playing with a long skinny wooden stick with a pink-painted styrofoam heart on the end.

Daddy: Megan, what are you doing?

Megan: I'm shooting the bad guys.

Daddy: What are you shooting them with?

Megan: My shooting thing. And this [gesturing to the bookcase] is where I get the shooting stuff.

Daddy: What happens when you shoot bad guys with the shooting stuff?

Megan: They die---forever!

So when she says "I'm tougher than you!" she may have superior fire power (and kajunas) to back it up.

In other news, we think Megan has pink eye.

Megan 2

At bedtime tonight Megan said to me, "Daddy, did you know there's another Megan in this whole Earth?"

"No, I didn't know that! Where does she live?"

"She's at daycare. Her name is Ms. Megan!"

"Ohh... she's your teacher."

"Yes!"

Four-Year-Old Meganisms

More Meganisms

Megan: Look where I put the gate so Reznor can't bump his head on this sharp thing.

I think of every kind of good rule every morning. Like, punishing bad guys.

Mommy: What kind of car do you want when you grow up?

Megan: I want a red car. I think it's called a Ferarri.

Megan @ Ontario Science Centre

Megan and the Homeless Man

A few weeks ago...

Megan meets her first homeless man while accompanying Mommy to work.

Later in the day Megan asks her: "Does the man on the street put up a tent at nap time?"

Last night...

Megan: Mommy if I'm bad are you going to give all my stuff to the man who lives on the street beside your work?
Mommy: Yes.
Megan: Where is his wife?
Mommy: I don't think he has a wife.
Megan: He doesn't have a wife or children? Is he lonely? But he has friends right? Like you.
Mommy: Yes.

Creepy Game

Ok, time for some disclosure. Megan and I play a disturbing game at bedtime. We call it "Fee Fi Fo Fum," based on the classic children's fairy tale Jack and the Beanstalk.

At first it was fun, not disturbing. In the basic scenario Megan hides under her covers (as Jack hid from the giant) and I approach the bed roaring "fee fi fo fum! I smell the blood of an English woman! Be she alive or be she dead I'll grind her bones to make my bread!!" There would be a look of terror on her face as I whipped back the covers.

At first that's where the game stopped. After a few nights she came up with a new strategy. After I whipped back the covers she began to say "I'm not her! I'm... you daughter." So I was forced to look elsewhere for the English woman. Megan would point her out and I'd grab the imaginary woman and devour her.

Now after several weeks Megan has me grabbing the woman and her extended family, making sandwiches out of them (one for me and one for Megan--with ketchup!), and most recently pizza. Human pizza. And her relatives? As of tonight they go in the freezer for later.

This is messed up.

a prelude to vegetarianism...?

Today I was preparing to roast a chicken when Megan entered the kitchen. Her jaw dropped.

"Daddy, what is that??"

I introduced her to our chicken.

She said, "Daddy, I don't like chickens when they're like that. I like chickens that can make sounds and walk around. This chicken was killed and killing is bad."

"Well, unfortunately we use chickens for food." This seemed to be good enough for her. Also, I invited her to squeeze some lemon on the dead chicken. I suppose I could have gotten into a longer discussion with her and explained that some people choose not to eat chickens and other animals because they feel it is wrong to kill animals for food. Perhaps another day. And besides, she's not even four years old yet.

Our new Mom

Today Megan announced that she was "the Mother" and I was her son, and that Mommy was her daughter and Reznor was her little brother. Then she said, "and my husband died. His name was Theodore. He lived for three days but then he died. Don't ask me about him because he's dead and it's rude to talk about it. Go to your room, son."

Later she explained her husband's name was Theodore and he was shot by a bad guy. She also stated that all three of us were in her tummy when that happened. "Did you notice that? Did you feel that in my tummy? It was very loud out there... and very loud in there. Did you cry? I know you did cry."

Later when I was attempting to floss Megan's teeth, she was still pretending to be The Mom and declared "I'm never going to be The Daughter ever again!"

Snap!

This week Megan has finally persevered. After months of practice she is finally able to snap her fingers (on both hands).

In a related story, tonight Megan said, "I want to snap off the TV." NOt sure what she meant, I thought she wanted to turn off the TV manually instead of using the remote control. I lifted her up to the TV and showed her the power button. Megan reached out and snapped her fingers. I chuckled, finally understanding. A few weeks ago I had pretended to turn off the TV by snapping my fingers. Now that Megan had mastered the technique she was eager to try the trick herself.

"No, Megan," I explained, "I was only pretending to snap my fingers, I was just pushing the button all along."

Megan replied, "Ha! You tricked me, right?"

Like, right, Dad?

For the past week Megan has begun ending the majority of her statements with "... right?" She even uses it when it's entirely her own statement and not one I could corroborate. Example: "Backyardigans is my favourite show, right?"

Today I noticed she's beginning her sentences with "Like." Oh god....

Relax and let me tickle you!

On being tickled.

"Don't tickle me there. I signed it out of my tickle list."

On relaxing.

Megan opened the gate at the bottom of the stairs, closed it behind her, and sat down. "I'm just going to chill out here for a while."

United Colours of Benetton

Megan came home from daycare and asked, "Mommy, can you paint me brown all over?"

"Why do you want me to paint you brown?"

Megan replied, "Because Zoe's daddy painted all of her skin brown!" Zoe is Black.

One of Megan's other friends is Indian and Megan has called described her as "light brown."

Morning

This morning Megan came into our bedroom to wake me up.

I said, "Megan, are you sure it's morning?"

Megan replied, "Yes it's morning! It's bright everywhere!"

humans!

Last night Khalto Sandy was reading bedtime stories to Megan.

Megan asked her, "Khalto, are the other humans waiting for you downstairs?"

I'm not cute!

Khalto Julie and Megan were at a restaurant and the lady at the next table said to her, "you are so cute!" and Megan replied, "I'm not cute, I'm bright!"

scared

Mommy yelled at Megan today (Megan is a very contrary three-and-a-half-year-old).

Megan whimpered a little and said to Daddy, "Mommy yelled at me and scared me. Was it supposed to scare me?"

Daddy: "Yes, it was."

magical powers

Megan slept over at Khalto Julie's house last night.

This morning they were playing and Julie exclaimed, "I'm going to eat you!"

Megan asked, "Who's going to save me??"

Julie replied, "No one!"

Megan retorted, "Then I'm going to save myself! I have magic powers in my brain!"

megan is not ready to move out...

This morning Lori, Reznor, and myself got up at 8:00. We were downstairs puttering around when Megan called out. I went upstairs to say good morning. She was hugging her bears with a sad look on her face. "Daddy, you went downstairs and left me upstairs all alone..." I explained to her that we didn't want to wake her up so she could get more sleep. "Someday you'll appreciate that and want to sleep in as long as you can." Megan wasn't buying it.

Megan says, "When I get older I'm going to sleep in your bed and Mommy can sleep in Reznor's rocking chair."

I said, "When you get older you'll want to move out and live in your own house--maybe even a condo downtown."

Megan's jaw dropped open and her eyes welled up with tears. "No Daddy, I don't want to leave."

"When you get older you'll want to leave, you just don't know it yet."

"No Daddy!"

"That's OK, you're only three... someday you'll understand. Let's go eat some breakfast."

Preschool Deception and Destruction

Megan woke up early this morning, 5am to be precise. We were tending to Reznor. We told Megan to go back to bed until 7:00. Megan says, "but Mommy, it is seven already--but don't look." I.e. she wanted us to take her word for it--she didn't want us to verify by checking the clock ourselves.

This morning Megan, Reznor, and I were sitting eating our breakfasts. I was feeding Reznor. Everything seemed to be going fine. I thought for sure I would be able to get Megan to daycare by 9am. Detecting movement out of the corner of my eye I turned to see Megan backing up slowly into the dining room. In her hands she held her Dora placemat. On the placemat was her bowl of cereal!!

Time slowed down as I leaped from my chair. "Noooooooo!" I screamed (in slow motion) as the placemat buckled and the cereal crashed to the floor.

It was a disaster.

Milk splattered all over the carpet. Multigrain Cheerios, bran flakes, mini shredded wheats, and raisons scattered all over the place.

I yelled, I fumed. Megan cried.

I ordered her to clean up the cereal so I could finish feeding Reznor. Then I mopped up the spilled milk with a couple of hand towels. It's been a few hours... I haven't gone back to see how the carpet is doing.

Wizard of Markham

Less than a week ago I introduced Megan to the 1939 movie The Wizard of Oz. Since that day she's been watching the movie in its entirety at least once each day. Tonight she started calling herself Dorothy and Reznor's little blue stuffed dog became Toto. I am the Scarecrow. Reznor is baby Tin Man. Lori is Auntie Em. She has yet to reveal who is the Wicked Witch of the West.

[Update: Feb 8, 2009] Megan has said recently that she loves Uncle Doug and wanted him to be her favourite, the Cowardly Lion. She's also decided that Khalto Julie is the Wicked Witch of the West. She has not explained this attribution.

[Update: March 15, 2009] Sandy is the Wicked Witch of the East and Kristy is the flying monkey.

Eating at the table

All week we've been encouraging Megan to eat at the table instead of in front of the TV. The incentives have ranged from chocolate and movies to stickers. This morning however Megan said to me, "I don't want to eat at the table. I want to eat in the family room. I don't even want stickers, or chocolate. I just want to eat in the family room."

So... what do we do now?

The Marshmallow Test

This morning we decided to conduct an experiment with Megan as the subject called The Marshmallow Test.

This experiment was first performed in the 1960s where children were given a single marshmallow. Although the child was allowed to eat the marshmallow immediately, he/she was told that resisting the temptation until the experimenter returned to the room would reward them with a second marshmallow. The idea was to test delayed gratification: a child's ability to control their behavior based on future expectations. When the test subjects were studied later in life they found that those children who could not resist eating the first marshmallow were more likely to have behavioral and academic problems, lower SAT scores, and struggled in stressful situations. The theory is that a lack of self-control led to all of these problems.

So this morning we experimented on Megan.

Daddy: [Placing marshmallow in front of Megan] Megan, you can eat this marshmallow.
Megan: [Reaches for marshmallow]
Daddy: Wait!! If you can wait 10 minutes you can have another marshmallow!
Megan: No Daddy, how about if I wait 10 minutes I can have two more marshmallows!

(Note: negotiation skills are technically out of the scope of this experiment)

So we set the timer for 10 minutes. We didn't insist she wait at the table, but she did return periodically to ask us if the time was up. After 10 minutes the timer beeped and Megan at her three marshmallows.

January 2010

Jan 3

• Megan is all stuffed up and says "I have boogers in my nose. I think it is booger water."

Jan 11

• Before Megan goes to bed she usually says "Daddy, tell Mommy and Reznor to be quiet because I'm trying to sleep."
  
  Tonight she got a little more specific: "Daddy, tell Mommy and your body and your brain to be quiet because I'm trying to sleep."